Late Night Musings
by Cellar Door 26
Summary: Pam didn't usually stand around in front of a mirror in just her underwear, but she also didn't make a habit of going home with her exfiance, so she decided to continue as was. Hint RoyPam, JimPam. Complete
1. Undergarments

Title: Late Night Musings  
Disclaimer: No infrignment intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.  
Summary: Pretty much what the title suggests, only Pam's doing the musing. And this is short-ish.  
Spoilers: Phyllis' Wedding.  
A.N.: Instead of working on the next installment of my current WIP His and Hers, I wrote this instead. Well, actually, I finished this story I began after I finished watching the episode P.W. (Does anyone notice a pattern?) An I'm probably going to add another chapter to this, but only if you guys want it. Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

Pam didn't usually stand around in front of a mirror in just her underwear, but she also didn't make a habit of going home with her ex-fiancee, so it seemed fairly reasonable to continue as was. 

_They don't match_, she reflected. Her bra was a pleasant blue with her knickers a dark green. Had she known the articles of clothing were going to see the light of day (or the light of Roy's Budweiser lamp) she would have dressed more appropriate.

Still now wasn't the time to look back, the future was most important. Forget that the fact Roy repeatably chose his friends instead of her, didn't understand her passion she had with art, had no clue of the humor she was capable of, how she never felt truly beautiful in his presence because he was always staring at other woman, and commenting to her about them as if she was just a good buddy who would like that sort of thing.

She should just forget about all that, because he had changed. He apologized for his past indiscretions (sorta), he cared about her art (mostly), he held her tightly when they'd danced (who wants to sway?) And he hadn't gotten angry when she told him to stop earlier, that she didn't want to rush into things. Instead Roy had just rolled over on their his bed, and fallen asleep.

_There's only one problem_, Pam thought despairingly, _was this moving forward or back? _Was she with Roy right now (or in his bathroom to be precise) because she wanted to, or was she tired of being alone?

It was so hard going to the wedding solo, watching a replica of her _own_ wedding taking place, seeing Roy all gussied up, flirting with her, trying so hard. Harder than when they were dating, engaged. And watching Jim and Karen together, comfortable, and realize Jim could be happy with another woman. That? That was hard. _But that couldn't be the reason for me jumping into bed with Roy, could it? _

Pam grabbed onto the sink's surface, her knuckles turning as white as the counter, as she tried to muddle through her thoughts, feeling all of a sudden too hot and surreal. Did she go home to Roy's because of Jim? _Am I using Roy as a substitute for Jim? _Pam had a sudden urge to splash water on her face, but the simple act seemed like too much, so she instead sank to the ground. Resting her head on the sink, trying to remove the painful thoughts from her head.

It didn't work.

All of a sudden it was too much, sitting in her old bathroom, her old fiancé in the other room, awake in the middle of the night, wondering if she'd made a wrong decision in her past that made her end up where she was. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, felt so stifled, so broken, she needed to get out. She needed air. She needed to breathe.

Pam groped blindly for the doorknob, only managing it turn it after the fourth try. Spying a shoe turned up-side-down Pam heard Roy's comfortably familiar snores, and she stopped jamming on her right shoe on her left foot while searching for The Dress. _I could just end this. I could just take off the shoe, lay down next to Roy, fall asleep, and continue everything as was. Snuggle up to his warm body after so long in the cold.. I could just-_ Her thoughts floated off as a picture of Jim flashed in her mind, and with the other thoughts that followed. His warm hands, searing kiss, make-your-stomach-clench laughs. Pam turned away from Roy's sleeping form, and spotted her Dress-that-was-supposed-fix-everything-and-fit-so-perfectly. Blindly stuffing it over her head as her hand groped for her left shoe, Pam made a resolution. She would not go back to Roy. She would get Jim. No matter how long it took, she would fix things. Spying her wrap-around, at last(!) Pam was dressed.

A pen and paper weren't hard to find (in the exact same place as before) and with a few quick worded cliche's (I'm sorry, It's not you, It's me, etc.) Pam was out the door and into the cold. It was so refreshing, so free after the stifling feeling she's just been in, Pam whooped, and then promptly blushed, thankful that no one could hear her.

As Pam began the thirty-seven minute walk it would take to make it to her apartment, more excited than she should be by the prospect of stepping foot into work on Monday, she decided that maybe this was good. This one mistake, now she knew for sure not to make it again.

* * *

1. Review or else!  
2. Else what, I'm not quite sure of, but my sister just got back from Marines Boot Camp, so that may have something to do with it.  
3. And I'm not kidding. I don't think. 


	2. The Heck!

Title: Late Night Musings  
Disclaimer: No infringement intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.  
Summary: Pam's musing late at night. Still. (Bye the bye, did I pick this title perfectly, or what?)  
Spoilers: Phyllis' Wedding.  
A.N.: I will get back to His and Hers, I swear. Until then, here's the next installment, still sort-ish, but I had to end it here, you'll see why.

* * *

_Should I get a head start in the morning?_ Pam thought bemused, taking off The Dress and hanging it in her closet. Her tiny, cramped, pink (yes pink) closet that she adored, making sure to smooth down the stomach of the gown, realizing she'd need to iron it before she wore it once again. The abuse it had suffered the night before when it was torn off and then stuffed on was noble in the way that could only be thought of so late at night. Or early in the morning. 

She found her way to her dresser, hands moving nimbly in the moonlit room to the third handle. It was cold, but most all metal was at this time of night. Or morning, but this topic had already been discussed. She pulled it open and selected the blue flannel with sheep on it, bought promptly because it reminded her nothing of Roy. As the cloth was pulled over her head, undergarments discarded, Pam thought about the advantages of arriving early to work. _Excellent parking, first pick at coffee, first pick at seeing Jim- _the thoughts discontinued after that, Pam would not think about Jim while getting dressed, it just couldn't be done. If she didn't catch herself, she'd go back to when she always thought about Jim. While cooking, faxing, watching TV, reading a book, hearing a good joke, in the shower...

Instead, Pam grabbed her toothbrush, and set about cleaning her teeth. Eventually Pam finished all necessities that could be accomplished in the bathroom, and made her way to her queen sized bed. It was the only luxury she had allowed herself. All her life, Pam's beds had been small. In her room at home as a girl, she'd had a twin bed, then in college she'd moved in with Roy, and they'd shared a double. The glorious luxury of stretching out and not colliding with anything- just a warm soft mattress- was one necessity Pam insisted on, even if that meant less closet space.

While laying back in bed, feeling her muscles tighten and relax, Pam thought back to her original internal monologue. _Arriving first to the office had some drawbacks, of course_. Pam would have to make it in earlier than Dwight, which was a near impossibility, would see everyone else arrive, have to suffer Michael's insufferable rambling's without any other's help or distraction, and of course, she'd just sit there, at her seat, wanting to come up with something brilliant to say to Jim so he'd turn around, give her one of those fantastic grins, and really look at her. She never realized that he did, until it had stopped.

So Pam was not going to arrive early at the office. In fact she was going to be late. With this decision in mind, At precisely 3:47am, with 23 seconds to spare, Pam switched her alarm twenty minutes forward, and then promptly drifted off to sleep.

!#$$!#$$#$&$&#

Despite the lack of sleep Pam had faced the night before, she felt remarkably well rested. Until that is, Pam glanced at her alarm clock, and then promptly felt idiotic. Jumping up and then falling onto the carpet, her feet trapped in the hordes of sheets and blankets, Pam decided she was never again going to do something as stupid as change her alarm clock in the middle of the night, no matter the excuse.

Jumping into the shower (the covers safely distanced from her appendages) Pam barely had enough time to get the soap out of her hair until she was awake enough to remember that there was no hot water in her building. Unfortunately for Pam, she had just put conditioner in her hair before this realization took place. Taking the fastest shower of her life, Pam stepped out of her shower and then slipped on a puddle that her not-fully-covered shower had expelled.

While laying on the linoleum, fully naked, dripping wet, Pam thought this may not be her morning. Still, maybe she was over-exaggerating, so with a rub at her side (there was so going to be a bruise) Pam stood up and made her way to the towels in the cubbard. All were missing. And Pam remembered with another one of those flashbacks, that they were all in the wash. Every bleeding one of them. _No wait, is there, _right in the corner was a washcloth, and when Pam brought it to her face, she saw that it had dust on it. A lot of dust.

Damn.

Sufficiently dried twenty minutes later, her hair up in a bun (no way was she even going to think about drying that) Pam tried to multitask. Putting an english muffin in the toaster, she jumped into her clothes and hunted for her keys. Fifteen minutes later, muffin burned beyond recognition, shirt inside out, although thankfully not backwards, her purse was found, her keys not in them. With an enraged growl, Pam bit into the lesser burned half of the english muffin, starving, looking behind the couch that was just a PAIN to look behind, before she remembered that her car was at the church and her keys were on her night stand. Put there by her last night, so she wouldn't have any trouble finding them and getting her car after work.

HA!

Running into her bedroom, she grabbed her keys, noticing the time and wincing. She grabbed her purse as she ran out the door, and looked for the closest 47 bus stop. Arriving at one of those stands where only the bus numbers were printed, Pam thought she might cry.

Until she saw that there was a number to call, where you were supposed to plug in the bus stop number. Her heart beating wildly, she dug into her purse where (success!) Her cell phone lay. Checking the battery, there were no bars, and Pam nearly closed her phone, until she remembered that sometimes her phone would still make calls, if they weren't long or demanding. She plugged the numbers in, ignoring the twelve voice mails she had, and heard that the bus would be arriving in seven minutes. _Finally_, she thought as she allowed herself to properly breathe again, _something's going right._

She thought about calling in to the office, but the thought seemed to ludicrous (_I'm the one people call to_) and a waste of the little battery she had, so she just dropped her phone back into her purse and waited. The wait only took six minutes and forty-seven seconds (what else was there to do but count the time?) and Pam branded her barely-used bus pass to the driver before sitting down in the nearest possible seat.

The ride was soothing in most regards, and Pam relaxed. So much so, she missed her stop and had to walk three blocks to get to the office. It was during this walk that she realized she'd left her apartment without a coat of any kind, and her (inside-out) short sleeved blue shirt seemed painfully thin. Still, the building was within eyesight, and Pam comforted herself with the cup of coffee she was going to get. It didn't matter if she had to make it herself, she was going to get that coffee.

The ride in the elevator was peaceful, and Pam leaned against the back wall, her stomach unsettled with the lack of food and drink. At least, that was what she told herself. With a ping, the doors opened, and Pam walked out and into the hallway that led to the office. _This is probably the happiest I've ever been to see this door_, Pam thought as she reached for the handle. Kelly's chatter was broadcasting, and although the words didn't make sense (they always seemed to blend together unless you were paying hard attention) Pam felt comforted by it. The fact that the door was closed didn't seem to worry Pam, she just opened it, and then promptly wished she hadn't.

!#$&#!$&

1. Review.  
2. Please.  
3. Because I want to hear that someone (beside two people) are reading this story, and I don't care what you say, so long as you say it.  
get's off soapbox


	3. Noteworthy

Title: Late Night Musings  
Disclaimer: No infringement intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.  
Summary: Roy's drunk during a confrontation between Jim, Pam and The Office. HOW AWESOME AM I?  
Spoilers: Phyllis' Wedding.  
A.N.: So not my fault it took me this long to put this up. I had already written it, and it was waiting on my computer. But then the third quarter of school was a week away from enfing, and I found out I had a D in Chem. So I spent all my extra time getting the grade up to a B+. Which I accomplished, by the way.

!!$#$&$

A warm body engulfed her, and as Pam tried to make sense of why Kelly smelled like Roy's cologne and her voice was coming to the far left, she noticed that it was 9:07am. _Not bad_, she thought as she leaned away from Kelley, not really in the mood for this sort of thing after such a horrific morning, and then promptly realized it wasn't Kelley hugging her.

"Roy? What are you doing?" Her voice was muffled in his beard, but that didn't stop her from saying it.

"I was so worried about you. You didn't return my calls, and you're late for work." If anything, the way Pam was leaning pack, trying to get out of the hug would be comical, and Michael would surely have made some joke (_Wow, Roy, looks like your lady love-ah isn't that much interested in love at the moment_), only nothing seemed that quite funny at that moment.

"Roy, let go." Not the most graceful thing to say, but Pam wasn't exactly in the greatest mood. He moved back, and that's when Pam noticed his bloodshot eyes, and how his cologne was tinged with the stench of hard liquor. The undeniable guilt that she might have affected his sobriety was the only thing that kept her from running to her desk.

Instead, she walked.

She placed her purse on the counter, right where she always did, and pulled down her shirt, hoping to rid it of the creases Roy's hug had caused, intent on not looking up at Jim's burning gaze. She really hoped everyone was working, for once, and wasn't paying the least bit of attention.

"PAM." Tone too loud for a person who knew better. What was going on? Didn't he read her note?

"Roy. I think you need some coffee. So do I. I haven't a cup all morning, and I think it'll do a world of good. I know it will for me." Speaking in a way she wasn't accustomed to, Pam didn't look up, wouldn't. Who knew what lay in his eyes?

"Pammy, why'd ya leave me that note last night?" The opposite of what she expected him to say. Well, today was a contrary day. She really wished it wasn't though. Looking up, she spoke,

"Roy, let's go get a cup of coffee and I'll explai-"

"No!" He cut her off loudly, she flinched. "Tell me, Pam. Why'd ya leave after we slept together? Was I some pitty fuck?"

"We didn't... we didn't, I asked, we stopped Roy." Shock and embarrassment kept her from completing a sentence, and as her face turned bright pink, she wanted to tell Roy to shut it, because couldn't he see that Jim was right there?

"Oh yeah?" He turned to the office, and as her gaze followed his, she saw that everyone was staring, even Dwight wasn't touching his phone. Her hand went up to her necklace, needing some resemblance of calm, of normal, this wasn't normal. "She was wearing a blue bra and green panties. Did you know she does this thing when you kiss her stomach? Sort of tilts her back and-"

"Roy!" Out of her mouth before she can help herself, her necklace twisting recklessly, how could he do this? But suddenly his out-of-focus eyes were back on hers, and when he spoke, all malice is gone from his voice

"Why'd you leave Pam?" His voice sounded so broken.

"I told you, in the note..." So badly, she wanted to just hide, stop talking, not be here. Couldn't she see that this morning she wasn't supposed to come in? Roy's hand comes down on the counter, palm flat, and the jelly beans bounce. Especially the green ones.

"The note? The note." And she saw his hand go into his pocket, come out with a white sheet, rumpled. He cleared his throat as he unfolded it, and Pam suddenly wanted to grab it out of his hands. She almost did, except one arm was around her midsection, and the other was wrapped around, tangled, in her necklace. "_Dear, Roy_- why didn't you just say John?" Roy is nothing if not witty when drunk, "_I'm sorry_- you're sorry! That's rich- _But I can't go back down this path. Not again_. _I wasn't happy. I don't think you were either, but we're familiar, and people don't like to change. It isn't anything you could have done or didn't do, we just weren't meant to be. I want, I want more I guess. Somehow I fell out of love with you, and I think if you thought about it, you don't love me anymore, either. I hope you find someone who really loves you for who you are. -Pam._"She briefly wipes at her eyes, and hopes to g-d no one's noticed. Her luck really wasn't with her this morning. "No Pam, you don't get to cry. You dumped me, remember? Twice. Don't you dare cry."

"Roy-"

"And no excuses either!" He shoves the crumpled letter in her face, making her take a step closer to Jim, without thinking about it. "Why'd you dump me twice? You were happy. I know you were happy! Ten years together, and then suddenly... Suddenly you wanted to do art internships, talked about going to museums, wanted to build a terrace, buy plants.. you wanted to see the new the new Power Rangers movie so you could talk to Jim about it-" Recognition covered his glazed eyes, "It was Jim, wasn't it?" Her silence proved more than words ever could. He did a half turn, before his eyes landed on Jim, "Fucking best friend. I just wanted you to talk to her, not go behind my back and fu-" _Shut it, shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_ _shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_

"Roy, leave him out of this."

"Why? You love him? Is that why you don't love me anymore? You fell for him- the charmer- and forgot about me?" His bloodshot eyes looked so scary with that amount of adrenaline injected. _Shut it, shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_ _shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_ _shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_

"I didn't, Roy I,"

"Can't even say it, can you?" _Shut it, shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_ _shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_ _shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it_ _shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it shut it _

I didn't mean to." Her voice was soft, but everyone heard it perfectly, especially Jim. She hears his breath hitch. _Aren't confessions supposed to make you feel better? _Instead Pam just felt more weighed down. She didn't want it to come out like this, in front of everyone. Especially Karen. Especially Roy. "I thought it was going to be a fleeting crush, so I didn't pay any attention to it. And then I realized I loved him, it wasn't until.."

"You broke our engagement." Her nod lets the tears shake themselves loose of her eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. You have to believe that. I just couldn't marry someone who I didn't love, when, when I-"

"Could have been with Jim instead." The voice was so cold and impersonal. Pam knew she's supposed to deny that. She's supposed to say she didn't want to tie him down with a wife who couldn't love him, couldn't do that to him, and she couldn't, but to deny Roy's words would be a lie. And Pam was so tired, so tired all of a sudden, of all the lies and half truths, so she just nodded.

The fist was so unexpected Pam didn't even react when she saw it coming. Jim, however, must have had faster reflexes than her, or saw it coming, because he caught it in his hand. He was leaning over the counter, and Pam thought reflectively that the position must be awkward, but Jim certainly wasn't acting like it.

"I think you should go home Roy." His voice was calm but sure, and Pam had a feeling if he'd said the same thing to her, she would have done it easily. Well, if she had her car.

"Pam and I aren't done talking." Roy pulled his arm away from Jim's grip.

"Yes you are." Seeing the looks around the room, Roy backed away from the counter.

"Pam, I didn't mean, I'm drunk." _I can see that._

"Go home Roy." He's trying to catch her eyes, but she can't bear to look up, she doesn't want to him, his excuses. Finally, his footsteps echo as he walked across the office, and he slams the door. Roy is all about theatric's when he was drunk. Pam spotted her chair, and sat down in it, hard. It wasn't until she heard Kelley's voice (Oh my g-d Pam, are you ok?) that she allowed herself to cry.

#$&#$$#&)(+)(&$

1. You want to see JimComfort!Pam, right?  
2. And Karen's reaction to all this?  
3. Michael's lame!comfort jokes?  
4. Then please review!


	4. Stripper Pole

Title: Late Night Musings  
Disclaimer: No infringement intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.  
Summary: Michael in his typical fashion, tries to cheer Pam up.  
Spoilers: Phyllis' Wedding.  
A.N.: I just want to thank every people who has reviewed for this story. sERIOUSLY. I would bake you a chocolate cake with vanilla frosting if I could, but I am a student of limited funds and ironically can't cook.  
CLARIFICATION: g-d, - is the same as o. Understand?

#$&#$$#&)(+)(&$

When Pam was seven years old her best friend, Martha, told her a very interesting bit of information that she had promptly forgotten about until just right now. Sitting in a stall of the ladies room, listening to it seemed like every woman in the office offering comfort, words of advice, or unanswerable questions, Pam wished she's had enough foresight to leave the building, instead of jumping into the bathroom. Still, the advice at hand, (_"Pam, if you don't want to do something, just pretend you have a stomach ache. Because no one can feel what you do, so they won't know you're fibbing"_).

For a brief moment she considered it, considered opening up the stall door, passing the hordes of woman, grabbing her purse, and then, what? She didn't have her car, that was at a church. She didn't even have a freakin' jacket! And it was way too cold to just walk out in her blue t-shirt. Her inside-out blue t-shirt. _Oh g-d, _Pam thought miserably, _This is just too much. I can't believe I was walking around like this all day. And the entire office saw this? I look like I really did sleep with Roy last night. _The tears came back with renewed strength, and Pam realized belatedly that all the toilet paper was gone.

She wanted to throw something, take all these feelings of rage and feeling of helplessness and just chuck them at something.

Just then the bathroom door opened and she heard Dwight's voice.

"Michael requests Pam's presence in the Conference room." _Aw, he's using his clear and authoritative voice. Too bad I'm not moving_, Pam thought.

"Dwight, Pam is in no condition for Michael's shenanigan's." Angela said quietly but in the same tone of voice. _What, Angela's standing up to me? Against Dwight? _

"But Michael said-"

"Now is not the time."

"He feels that it would make Pam feel better."

_HA!_

"Dwight." Longing at clear as day was there. She wanted to agree with him, but she couldn't.

"Angela." They matched, the pitches. Neither wanted this fight, but Pam was causing it.

Pam all of a sudden felt well, bad, to pit them against each other. Unintentionally, but they were. She was causing so many lately, and no doubt other fights would span from the one this morning. She couldn't handle the guilt. So, against Pam's better judgement, she spoke.

"Dwight, just give me a minute, ok? I'll be right out."

"Thank you Pam." Dwight's voice sounded more than relieved, but Pam couldn't really focus on that. She was too worried about what Michael had planned.

!$&!$&$

Everyone was sitting uncomfortably in the conference room, trying not stare at Michael and what he was wearing. Or the lack of it.

All heads turned to the door when they heard footsteps coming, only to turn away again when they saw Angela come in and sit down in the last seat in the front. Minutes passed in uncomfortable silence and Michael, who loved to take a silence and kick it up a notch, made a joke.

"Geez, Pam's taking forever. Let's hope she's not stuck in the toilet." By the look of stunned silence that followed that remark, Michael tried to explain how the joke could make sense. "Because woman have to sit down when they-" Michael's explanation of that joke was put on hold, as Pam entered the room, making for the chair in the back that Toby had thankfully saved for her. _"Ah _Pamela, I'd like you to sit up here." Hearing a tapping sound that could only be Michael banging on a chair he was close to, like standing next to close, Pam stopped in her tracks. Turning around slowly, Pam tried to summon some of Jim's quick thinking and made sure not to actually look at Michael..

"Michael I'd really rather..."

"Pam, this is for your benefit. So come up here, sit down, and benefit. From this." It was at such odd times that Michael acted like he was a boss, Pam always found herself shocked into agreeing with him. Like right now. She watched herself walk up to the chair, turn around, and sit in it. It was only then that Pam saw how Michael had tapped on the chair.

With a cane.

Against her will, her eyes traveled along Michael's frameand her heart stopped.

Michael was dressed as a male stripper.

!&$#$#$!

"Now Pam, we understand that you've just re-broken up with Roy, and I understand that right now you may be hurting, so I wanted to do something for you that would boost your morale." Michael's eyes didn't stray from Toby's when he said that, but Pam wasn't really focusing on that. She was focusing on Michael's outfit: Much too tight black pants, shiny shoes, no shirt, cuff links, a top hat, a cane, but most importantly, a bowtie collar. _Please g-d, I know I haven't exactly been to church in a few years, but I am begging you, please don't let Michael do what I think he's about to do._

"And as I was sitting in my office, I was wondering what always cheered me up after I got dumped- well, broke up- well, I broke up with her, she was an idiot, and didn't think I was all that funny- I went out to strip clubs. And let me tell you, I know a lot about stripping." There was a pause in which he obviously expected chuckles, but when stunned, horrified looks were the only thing forthcoming, Michael continued, "So Pam," Michael turned to stand in front of her, and Pam's face turned to a mask of fear and dread, "this is for you kid." His head flicked to the left and she noticed Dwight get up and turn on a stereo, immediately releasing _You spin me right round _by Billy Idol from the speakers. Michael very deftly used his cane to spin the chair around once, his leg catching the arm as it spun a full circle. Her stomach clenched as he pulled the chair closer to him and her eyes flitted around the room, trying to make someone stop this. Where was Toby's placid arguments? Stanley's monotone complaints? Angela's prude behavior? Why Michael ripping off those pants? Dear g-d, why? Mentally going off every person in the office (Where was Karen?) and how she was going to kill each of them, trying to very hard to look anywhere but Michael's gyrating hips, it took until the second loud ring that Pam noticed the fire alarm had gone off.

She looked up at Michael, and her breath all came out in one short gasp as he leaned in so close they were practically touching. His breathe was hot on her face, and for one horrid moment Pam thought he might try to kiss her until another alarm blared and Michael moved away from her as if he'd just been told she had leprosy. He ran into Toby in his dash to the door, and Pam was so thankful for her bubble to be firmly back in place, she didn't notice that she was the only one left in the room.

Sighing, Pam stood up, vowing to never agin come to work when her morning so suggested otherwise. Closing the door to the conference room, Pam wondered if g-d really had heard her prayers and made Ryan create another fire when she caught sight of a tall dark-brown-curlyish haired male picking up his Ipod. And she realized that the only possible reason Jim would be as stupid to go back to grab his Ipod when there was a threat of a fire, was If there wasn't one.

"Hey."

"Oh, Hi. I was just grabbing some music. I have a feeling we're going to be stuck down there for a while."

"Think I have enough time to grab a cup of coffee before the building goes up in flames?" Her voice came out so much lighter than she expected, and wondered how Jim has that effect on her. How he can make her feel so much better without even trying. Or worse.

"I wouldn't risk it."

"Oh."

"But I feel a hankering for Denny's coffee. And I have a feeling you do too." He's looking at her t-shirt and she laughed, because it was a lot easier than crying. It was still inside-out. How had she managed not to fix it thus far into her day?

"In my defense, I've had the history's worst morning. And that was before I got to the office."

"So tell me about it."

"Really?" It's so odd, how friendly he's being after months of nothing, that she's getting flustered by the attention.

"Definitely."

"Ok." She grabbed her purse from its usual spot and when she turned around he's standing there, waiting for her, and in spite of this entire morning, she smiled. It was comforting to know that she doesn't even have to look up to know he's smiling back. But she did anyway.

!$512$

1. Review.  
2. You know you want to.  
3. Or at least, you know I want you to. (And if you understand what I just typed, review and tell me so!)


	5. Denny is not just a kid's name

Title: Late Night Musings  
Disclaimer: No infringement intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.  
Summary: Coffee is good.  
Spoilers: Phyllis' Wedding.  
A.N.: So after the pitiful lack of reviews from my last chapter, I came to realize something, my writing sucks. So instead I'll just finish this up as quickly and shortly as possible.

1231

Pam remembered when coffee was a novel idea. Only to be used when you needed that extra ounce of energy to pull an all-nighter or babysit for the Chopstin triplets. She wondered now how it became into something that she needed to function. Pam remembered distinctly teasing Jim about his addiction, claiming she would never be as weak as to become prisoner to caffeine. At the time, Jim had just grinned and given some jedi-like quote, now she wished she could remember it. Still, sitting across from Jim in a café entitled Denny's, shredding his napkin, it made forgetting about the past easier. Her musings most definitely would have continued, if Jim hadn't spoken.

"Rough day." a fact more than a statement, but she responded anyway.

"It didn't start out that way."

"Oh?" the surprise could either be by her statement, or the coffee finally arriving, her chocolate croissant, and his plain bagel with cream cheese.

"I had an epiphany." Adding bunches of cream and sugar, Pam loved the look of coffee as the cream overwhelmed it: turning it from a rich black to a cool light brown.

"I heard those hurt."

"Not this one." A sip of her drink gave away that she'd added too much milk, as always. She took a gulp anyway.

"Do I need to guess what you realized?" Pam looked up to meet his eyes, they were twinkling, and Pam so desperately missed that.

"Yes." The word surprisingly held so much promise, so much hope. Jim took a sip of his coffee, (two milks, one sugar) and began.

"You've decided to become a construction worker." A shake of the head dislodged that thought from Jim's mind. "You're going to become a proud owner of one of those miniature dogs and realize Paris Hilton is your idol." that earned a loud chuckle, along with a solid (No!), "Ok. Hm, this is getting more difficult. You've decided to audition for Real World San Diego as the-"

'Would you like any more coffee?" the waitress is back and looking directly at Jim. Pam wishes she was one of those girls without morals so she yell at the woman that can't she see they're having a discussion that could change the rest of her life?

"Ah, no thanks. I'm still on my first cup." And to add more proof he shows her the full cup. The woman turns to Pam, and repeats her first question. Pam just shakes her head. The small resemblance of normal that was between them had abruptly vanished with the woman's arrival, and Pam could see Jim trying to think of something to say to make it right. Pam decided to shock Jim instead.

"My epiphany was realizing I wanted you back in my life."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Pam suddenly wishes she had another napkin to shred.

"Why didn't you say something before?" She's about to explain she came to this conclusion somewhere on Barbur street around 2am, but then realizes he means after her wedding cancellation.

"I was afraid you wouldn't forgive me." laughter was not what she expected from this comment, and the type he's using at that. Like you've just heard a terrible story that is so depressing you have to laugh, or you'll cry.

"You're afraid I wouldn't forgive you?"

"I rejected you. Twice. Once after I kissed you. I think that's under the definition as unforgivable."

"I think tease is more likely." He sipped his coffee. "And that openmouthed, bug-eyed look is good on you." Pam closed her mouth.

"I can't believe you just called me a tease."

"Just imagine Roy, he thought you two were getting back together. Instead you realized you wanted to be with another man." If Pam hadn't been grinning from ear to ear, she would be very angry right now.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You tell me you love me, you kiss me, and then you transfer two hours away. That's the definition of a tease."

"Ah, but you're forgetting you told me to get lost."

"A technicality."

"Really?"

"Yes. You knew I loved you." their light teasing banter is destroyed by those words.

"No, I didn't."

"Well I thought it was obvious." The smile is back.

"Did you?"

"Yes, I did."

"Next time you should be more clear."

"Like a banner?" A nod.

"A big blue one."

"With cloud lettering." Pam had forgotten conversation could be like this. After years of Roy's conversations, and then the lack of conversation between her and Jim, Pam forgot that it was ok to say exactly what was on your mind, to have hours of conversation about water balloons. Which just happened to feel more important than a conversation about the duality of man.

"Exactly." And with Jim smiling at her like that, Pam hadn't even realized she's opened her mouth, until words came spilling out, and every horrifying minute of her morning was shared, dissected and laughed at. In fact, Pam was having such a great time she didn't notice that someone was standing over at them, until they cleared their throat.

"I was wondering where you two had gone through." Pam wondered briefly as she stared up at the figure to the left of her, what, exactly, she done in her last life to warrant this day.

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1. Who stands there?  
2. The faster you review, the faster you find out.  
3. Also, my toe nails are bright red. 


	6. Contrary Day

**Title: **Late Night Musings  
**Disclaimer: **No infringement intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.  
**Summary:** Jim and Pam just can't seem to have an uninterrupted conversation.  
**Spoilers:** Phyllis' Wedding.  
**Notes: **Thanks to all who reviewed, I've still got another chapter after this and GUESS WHAT? I really need some input about how people feel about this fanfic. Because honestly? You're giving me serious issues here. :)

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"Coffee was needed." Jim's voice, aloof yet charming, made Pam uncurl her toes. Her hands stayed knuckle white around the mug, though.

"Ah. Some mornings I need a good ol' cup of Joe myself. Like one looooong night ago. Jan came down from new York and let me tell you-" Michael's long winded speech was cut off all of a sudden, his eyes out of the window. His once boisterous voice changed to forlorn and under a huge strain. "Listen, Toby said if I didn't come over and apologize for my "inappropriate behavior" which is ridiculous because how can comforting a friend be 'inappropriate'-"

"Michael, you don't need to apolog-" _especially without changing out of your stripper costume_, Pam couldn't help but think.

"Actually, I do. Toby," never before had Pam heard such hatred in Michael's voice, "said my actions today could endanger my job. Apparently trying to cheer up a friend is now a 'sexual harassment lawsuit' waiting to happen. He also wants you to sign some document so that you won't sue the company."

"Oh." Michael had that inalienable talent to make people go speechless, this was one of those times.

"So, if Toby asked, I apologized, ok?"

"Yeah, ok."

"Good!" Michael's odd happiness at the weirdest times returned, and he looked at the table Pan and Jim currently shared. "So, you guys are having coffee?" innuendo was surfeited with those six words.

"Yep." Jim's voice was slightly muffled as he lifted the cup to his face. Pam wondered idly how he had the courage when it was Michael's greatest quest in life to make a person laugh so hard they choked. Bonus points if the liquid came out of the target's nose. But Michael was staring at Pam, and took out a small pamphlet of papers. She didn't even want to guess where they papers were hidden. He plopped them down right in front of her, and smiled as he spoke,

"So take the rest of the day off today, you too Jim, and make sure to sign 'em, ok?" Pam was gently reminded of a boy who tried to trick his parents into giving him the Missile launcher for Christmas between sweaters and blue socks. And Pam realized she was working at the office too long when she grabbed the papers, put them in her lap and found his antic's cute rather than alarming.

"Sure Michael."

"Great, great great great great great!"

"I'll say." Jim's comment sounded only a small amount of the gusto any one of Michael's 'great' was. But Pam happened to think his was more charming.

"So what happened to Karen?" literally two minutes ago Michael sounded as if his world was ending, now he sounded as giddy as a school girl. No, that wasn't enough, as giddy as when he was with Packard. Discussing sex. In front of the office. With everyone listening in morbid fascination.

"I think she went home. Had a headache." Michael looked around the room and Pam had a sinking feeling he was looking for a chair to grab, so he could continue this conversation.. indefinitely. Jim looked up at her involuntary shudder.

"Really? Cause it seemed more like Roy would be the one with the headache." Michael laughed heartily, obviously expecting a good response, now that they were squared away with his whole stripping thing. Pam was more sickened with the way his whole body shook with laughter. Apparently he was off the yolk diet.

"That's not funny." it was at such odd times that Pam stood up for herself, she surprised herself by speaking. And not blushing. That was pretty cool too.

Before Michael could square away his joke, someone spoke,

"Excuse me sir, but we don't allow people without shirts to be allowed in here." A pimply face kid of seventeen, his voice practically shook, not with fear, but with what seemed to be a late puberty.

"Oh yeah, where does it say that?" not trusting his voice to stand up to the a few simple words, the kid pointed to a few choice places a sign stood, addressing the same fact the boy pointed out. One happened to be the window Michael was facing,"Oh." It was comforting to know others seemed to lose their speech capabilities like Pam did.

"I'm sorry, you'll need to vacate the premises."

"Listen, I'm talking-" a glance out the window and, "know what? It's fine... Peter. See you at work tomorrow guys."

"Bye." Pam followed Michael's form out of the restaurant, finding it too hilarious not to, and noticed out the window, across the street, Toby. Michael's very odd change in opinion mid-way through his speech suddenly made sense. When she shared this with Jim, he gave a mock-serious pointed look at her.

"What?"

"You're one to talk."

"About what?"

"Ms. I-got-kicked-out-of-Chili's-because-I-was-so-inebriated."

"Inebriated?"

"I went to college."

"And you learned a fancy way of saying drunk?"

"That I did."

"And what else did you learn?"

"Lots of stuff."

"Like what?" he's looked at her like he wanted to kiss her, and she felt her heart begin to pound. He shrugged modestly, and she felt the corners of mouth twitch. Deciding to hide the fact by eating, her throat felt far too parched, and she drank after a bite or two.

"Pi will never equal a round number." her laughter is slightly muffled by the liquid she's just ingested, and after he handed her a torn up napkin, she shot him a dirty look.

"You did that on purpose!" he nodded, trying to hide his grin with the tip of his cup, taking a drink to make it look all the more natural. Pam knew she only has a moment to get him back,

"I want to fuck you." the response is immediate and very satisfying. Michael would be angered he hadn't caused Jim's coughing and the fact that his nose was now burning. When normal speech patterns emerged, he raised an arm,

"Check please!"

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Woah, who new Pam had it in her?


	7. Inexplicable Truths

**Title**: Late Night Musings  
**Disclaimer**: The Office belongs to me as The Pope controls communism. As in, not _that_ likely.  
**Summary**: Jim, the boy she loved, was committed to another. And they'd just made out. Great.  
**Spoilers:** Phyllis' Wedding.  
**A.N.:.** So, done.

It took a good few months longer then I thought it would, but I'm actually quite glad with how it turned out, and just want to take a moment to thank all who reviewed on this... thing. Especially the last review I received, which reminded me that this had yet to be completed, and people actually wanted me to.

Review if you have a heart, if you don't (or have misplaced it) have one then don't worry about reviewing. Or go find your damn heart and review.

Either way, enjoy.

* * *

Crashing through the house, keys still hanging in the door, Pam just managed to make it to the couch before taking off Jim's coat, as he'd so chivalrously given it to her as they'd exited the restaurant (the sexual harassment papers were stuffed between the seats in Jim's car). Kissing Jim was entirely nothing like kissing Roy. And for that Pam was grateful. With Roy it was, good. The giddiness at finding a boyfriend made their romance seem like a whirlwind affair, every touch was sacred and every date a remnant of _Casablanca_. But Pam hadn't exactly imagined becoming engaged to Roy and the _Casablanca_ romance was swept into a quiet passionless happiness. It was probably consistency that had kept them together thus far. But Jim, Jim changed everything. 

With his boyish good looks and a brightness that lightened up the dull dreary work day, Pam's complacent life changed from normal to stifling. Every morning changed from dread to optimism when getting ready for work, wondering what joke or prank would be played on Dwight. What inside jokes would be shared during lunch, what quip Pam could crack to make Jim double over in laughter, hair sprayed about, barely contained gasps as words were only just able to get out.

And then when it was time to return home, not dread, never dread, but a heaviness overcame Pam when she got into the car. To leave Jim and his brightness, to go home with Roy and be stuck in the television light, it was deadening. But Pam chugged along, trying to make the best out of an awkward situation, _"Hello Mom? Great news, I just realized I'm more turned on by Jim leaning over my desk than Roy's kisses. Great, so I'll see you this weekend." A_ conversation every Mom wanted to here.

A gentle tug on Pam's lower lip and she was back in the present. Pam was currently more then enjoying Jim laying next to her, for all intents and purposes 'making out' as his hand ghosted over her side, and then exerted pressure,

"OW!" Her luck catching up with her, Jim had just caressed her bruise, which really hurt.

"What? Are you ok? What's wrong?" Concern clouding his confused speech, Pam found the time to smile in her pain. Which quickly disappeared as he shifted entirely off of her.

"No, it's fine. I've just got a bruise from this morning." And to exercise this point, Pam carefully sat up, her body tilted towards him.

"Did Roy hurt you?" Sifting from concern to anger, his voice lowered.

"No, it's, I." The only thing Pam had left out of her colorful description of the morning's event, was how she'd obtained the bruise on her left side.

"Pam, if he ever hurt you-"

"No, of course not. I-, It's embarrassing." His look relaxed from moments before, and his tone became teasing. Pam felt herself relax.

"Confession is good for the soul."

"Oh? And where'd you get that line from?"

"A book about chicken soup."

"Oh really?" A solemn nod,

"It's a very spiritual book. Got me through some rough times." Laughter bubbled from Pam, a little stiff because of her concern for her side and the recent trauma it had gone though. "I could lend it to you, for a price." More then seeing where this was going, Pam tried to end the conversation.

"Sorry, no can do."

"Oh come on. I'm just a bit curious how Pam Beesly managed to get a bruise on her side this morning between waking up late and walking three blocks in the cold with wet hair and no coat."

"Jim."

"Just an inside out shirt, probably stuck to her back from the towel-less shower.." Recognition dawned, "You slipped."

"No, I didn't."

"You fell on your bathroom floor because of a puddle." His hands danced at the edge of her shirt, "I could take a look at it, to make sure there's no internal bleeding."

"I believe the definition of a bruise is internal bleeding."

"Still, want to make sure it isn't too serious."

"What's too serious for a bruise?"

"There's a color scale, and if it's anything past a yellow.." His dancing fingers enclosed on the ends of her still upside down shirt and lifted the hem up.

"Jim!"

"Pam." Faces grinning, heart beats rising, hair concocted into odd positions, they were back. And so was Jim's roommate.

"Hold on, I'll see.. Yeah, Jim, Karen's on the line and heads up, she's really pissed about- oh hey Pam."

"Hey Mark." Pam tried to remember Mark's last name. It was a rule she had, if anyone found her making out with someone, she at least remember their last name and most embarrassing experience they'd ever gone through.

"Long time no see."Handing the phone over to Jim, Mark's eyes roamed over her shirt in a purely clinical sense. Her cheeks lit up as she realized the connotations of an inside out shirt while sitting on the couch with Jim, with make-out hair, most likely a dazed expression on her face, that Jim had caused. Jim, who looked upset and cross and had a stress wrinkle on his forehead.

She smoothed it out her fingers as she pondered what had caused it.

Oh right, Karen.

His girlfriend.

In case anyone was keeping score, Mike had just walked into Jim and Pam having a moment on his couch, with her wearing an inside out shirt, cheeks inflamed, while Jim belonged to another.

What was with this day?

"Hey Karen." A wince, Pam sought to keep talking with Mark

"Yeah, I've been working hard on art." _Working hard on art?_

"Oh cool. Anything new happen recently?" His look, how often did he and Jim talk?

"Oh well." Distracted from Jim's growing anger and distance between them, Pam spilled. "I recently went home with my ex-fiancé (I broke up with him for Jim who ended up moving away and meeting Karen) and unable to sleep with him, he went into an alcoholic binge and barged into my office this morning when I wasn't there. Why wasn't I there? I had to walk home from Roy's apartment, and when I woke up that morning with only a few hours sleep I had a cold shower with no real towel to dry myself off of, no real breakfast, no car, just a bus. Roy then continued to terrorize the building until I arrived in the hopes of winning me back and instead succeeded into embarrassing me and I escaped into the woman's bathroom. I was then forced into watching a strip show with Michael as the pole dancer and then Jim pulled a Ryan. Oh, and somewhere in-between there I told the entire Office (Jim and Karen included) that I'm in love with Jim and have been in some time." Quiet, untold quiet filled the room, (except for Karen's voice coming clearly through the phone) and then Mark spoke.

"I meant with your art."

"Oh."

"But I'm glad about you and Jim." A smile a glance in Jim's direction, "It's been a long time coming." and Mark left the room.

And before Pam had gotten her embarrassing moment.

It seemed Mark got more then enough of his share though.

As Pam quickly shut her eyes with unnecessary passion, wondering the hell was going on in her life, she undoubtably overheard Jim's conversation with Karen.

It was not going well.

"I didn't plan anything."

"What was I supposed to do, let Pam get hit?"

"I'm the one not behaving maturely?" Repulsed and enraptured by this conversation- the fraying of Jaren- Pam made a mental note to get off the couch and moved out of the living room. Two minutes later she was still routed to the spot, but that was because of an entirely different reason.

"Because I love her." So quiet, so sure, so beautiful, determined, unguided, as if the sentence was for her and her alone, there was no mistake, Jim loved her. Jim loved Pam.

And Pam felt herself unable to look away.

To move away.

Instead she held his hand as he fought with his current-to-ex-as-every-word-slipped-past-lips-girlfriend, waiting for him as he'd waited for her, listening to fights and excuses, poorly hidden barbs (on both ends) and the inexplicable truth that was this; this too shall end, so hold on, the turbulence seems never-ending, but the big finish is with hands held and hearts beating.

Pam kinda liked this inexplicable truth being spoken, even if it did sound like it had been written late at night and after much green tea.

The End.

Finally.


End file.
